420 ftw
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
