Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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