Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
