I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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