If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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