maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
