Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
