Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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