I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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