God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
