Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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