her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
