We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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