No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
