Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
