I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
