i need an iv and a liver transplant
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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