Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
