He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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