i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
