That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
