Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
