just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
