So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
