i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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