Please, let me fuck your mom
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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