I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
