I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
