You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
