what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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