I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
