well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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