My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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