we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
