I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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