They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
