Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
