I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just want nice things and good sex
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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