Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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