my being single is dangerous.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize