so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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