How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
