Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
