Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
