That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
True college students do jello shots in the library
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
