yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
