I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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