Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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