Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
