Are we in a gay sports bar?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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