I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
