he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
