I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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