you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
